Abuser Confrontation Script

After trying to confront abusive parents in public several times, I realized that confronting abusive people is a little more difficult in practice than in theory. It might help to have some kind of game plan next time. This is my outline for confronting abusers:

• Center myself and move physically toward the situation with confidence and presence.
• 2 Options:
• Empathic Identification: “You must be feeling a lot of stress right now. I know it’s frustrating, but you really don’t want to do that. You’re driving a wedge between yourself and your child, destroying the possibility of intimacy and true respect now and in the future. It may seem counterintuitive, but…”
• Firm Countermand: “___ behavior is completely unacceptable, is actually illegal in some places, etc. It may be hard for you to stop, but you just can’t do ___ anymore.
• Remind the adult that they didn’t like being treated that way as a child; consider using the thought experiment about a giant doing the same to them as they are doing to their child.
• Speak to the child and ask if they are okay; sympathize with them and show that something better is out there.
• Consider my responses to the most common excuses and justifications:
• “You don’t know what it’s like because you don’t have the kids.”
• “___ treatment is good for them, teaches them values, etc.”
• “It’s the only way to get obedience out of them.”
• “What else am I supposed to do?”
• In general, expect projection and defenses.
• Strong emotions may not belong to me, but to the child or parent.
• If the abuser accuses me of something, they are certainly describing themselves.

Let me know if you think this is a good idea, or if you have any contributions to make to the script!